I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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