he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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