"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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