Pregnant stripper...not hot.
i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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