I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
Randomize
