I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished�
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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