community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
Randomize
