Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
