you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Randomize
