i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
