how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
