Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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