Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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