I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Last night he asked the cab driver "if you were in the middle of getting tattooed and the tattoo artist suddenly got a boner would you leave or would you get that boner??"
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
