I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
