I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i think i scared a bird with my dick
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Randomize
