so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
My cat gives me a boner
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
