I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
