i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
