2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Randomize
