HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
