I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
