is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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