I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
