her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
