Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
