I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
