whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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