I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Randomize
