I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Randomize
