We named our party play list daddy issues
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
