Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Randomize
