You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
