The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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