I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm both gender and math confused
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
