Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
