nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
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