hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
only if we run a train.
done.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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