she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
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