haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
