Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
