My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
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