You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he shaved USA in his pubs
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
Randomize
