escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
