Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
