When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
