If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
