that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Randomize
