Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
