My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Randomize
