I wish my penis had an off switch
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
