this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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