You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
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