chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
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