Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
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