New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Life without a bra equals bliss.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
