I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
