Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
