the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Randomize
